It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
