she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
a search helicopter?!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
