MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
