think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
