you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
