Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
