Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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