in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
