He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
