in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Let's get the cat blown out
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
