I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize