He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
