He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
