All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Randomize
