it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
