I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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