My nipple is on Facebook.
i think my mom watched the whole time
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
