gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
