Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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