I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
