just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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