you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
