I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
