Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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