I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
