Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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