Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
