16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it's like heaven, but drunker
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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