So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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