just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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