I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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