it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
