Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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