Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
FUCK WHALES
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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