as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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