How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
