worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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