oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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