i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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