Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
