what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
