Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
