this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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