I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
