I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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