I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
pop tarts are not kleenex
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
