also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
