Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
