you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
