She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize