He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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