Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
