my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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