It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
