i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize