I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
