So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
