I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
