Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
