i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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