it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
