the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
