Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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