I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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