He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
