Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
