I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
