Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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