he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize