wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
