Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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