How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
