i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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