im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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